What lurks in Slavic coastal waters?

Killer Mermaid in the Adriatic

Having prepared for my cruise ship journey through the Adriatic and its southern Slavik countries of Montenegro, Croatia, and Slovenia by watching movies and television series, I kept an eye out for weird sea creatures. What else could I do after watching Killer Mermaid?

MONTENEGRO

Mamula (a.k.a. Nymph or Killer Mermaid), 2014 with Franco Nero telling American tourists about the dangers of an island in Montenegro. My initial Googling of movies filmed in Montenegro led to some confusion. The title Mamula came up first but diverted to information about an island about 15 miles from the popular cruise ship destination of Kotor. Meanwhile, a follow up search using the Nymph title led to pages about nymphomania which probably lit up warning signals misinterpreting my behaviors and curiosities. I quickly ended that search, tried again and retrieved another titular revision, one that gave me shudders of glee: Killer Mermaid. As a hater of Ariel (the title character of The Little Mermaid) and as a cinephile who bears a soft spot for trashy horror films, I quickly pulled up Amazon Prime and began streaming.  Killer Mermaid pushes all the basic bad movie buttons: a dumb idea with stupid people in skimpy outfits who find themselves drenched in blood. No one expects great acting, though Kristina Klebe shows some degree of comfort in a genre she experienced earlier as a victim in Rob Zombie’s Halloween; turning into a scream queen let her take a logical step to Killer Mermaid territory. In contrast, back in 1967’s Camelot, Nero seemed an unlikely candidate for fighting off fish ladies who like to eat people. Coming up with this nymph—the polar opposite of Disney’s Ariel--took the team of Marko Backovic and Barry Keating co-writing with director Milan Konjevic. The writers’ best idea involves using the 1853 fortress on Mamula Island. Moviemakers needed no art director for a complex where stone walls of beige rise as a blockade whose few doors lead to passageways requiring flashlight dimness to show what lies ahead. Set-jetters can tour the fort, and those with an extra big budget can stay in the island’s luxury hotel.

The November Man, with Pierce Brosnan playing spy games in Montenegro. Following a career of effective spying, it makes sense for Brosnan to continue the game even after someone else moved into the James Bond franchise. It also seems logical to choose a format that allows for age, experience, and—with any luck—additional entries. But luck shines no bright beams on author Bill Granger’s November Man book series in its first film foray, instead sputtering with wisps of predictability. Working with the seventh November Man novel, screenwriters Michael Finch and Karl Gadjusek present the idea that the C.I.A. might turn on its own agents (don’t tell Jason Bourne!). This concept seems immediately obvious the moment Will Patton shows up as C.I.A. boss. Bad C.I.A. behavior forces Brosnan’s Peter Devereaux to go rogue (don’t tell Jason Bourne!) and engage in shootouts, car chases, and a chance to (preferably slo-mo) walk away from a car whose exploding fire fills the screen (don’t tell J.B!). But predictability seems natural to spy adventures, and director Roger Donaldson guides The November Man with sufficient fuel injected chases to provide mindless escapism. Plus, Brosnan possesses the skill and magnetism required to play the movie spy game, fitting into the genre’s requisite need for a handsome face amidst picturesque locations—in this case Montenegro and Bosnia. Action starts with a botched mission in the Bay of Kotor and Perast, Montenegro. With its beautiful blue waters, Montenegro easily steps in as Switzerland for an early scene.

CROATIA-DUBROVNIK

Game of Thrones, Seasons 2-8, 2012-19, with families protecting and expanding their powers to rule the Seven Kingdoms in various places like Dubrovnik. Playing the Game of Thrones (GOT) set jetting adventure involves globetrotting like James Bond. Despite watching and enjoying all eight seasons of the series, I qualify as an accidental tourist when it comes to series locations (Gotcations?) since other cruise ship stops at GOT sites in Malta and Iceland just showed up on other trips I took. Malta initially provided the King’s Landing Gate but that switched after Season 2. From then on, Dubrovnik joined the show playing leadership headquarters for the Lannister clan who seek victory in regular game activities like  cheating, puzzling, and  scheming--plus throwing in addendums like incest, torture, kidnapping, beheading, and murder in general. But then, the Lannisters emulate other competitors for foul activities in the screen adaptation of George R.R. Martin’s epic, addictive fantasy books comprising A Song of Fire and Ice. Latch on to a favorite character to ride with—perhaps soaring on dragons with Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke), or maybe imitating street smarts from Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), or even seeking legacy rights from Lady Oleanna (Diana Rigg)—just don’t get too attached because this competition goes beyond a Monopoly jail term into frequent, sudden, and violent deaths.  Since author Martin failed to publish his own conclusion before HBO felt ready to finish the show, newly invented Season 8 conclusions upset many fans (among them those who named their kids after a seemingly heroic character) even though foreshadowing and plenty of hints indicate the turn of events. Throughout it all, Dubrovnik stood in as part of the “fire” section of author Martin’s title (Iceland handled the other extreme). Set jetters in Croatia can investigate various companies that conduct GOT tours, which might include Fort Lovrijenac (Season 2, Episode 1) as the desperately desired ruling center just outside old Dubrovnik city walls, right through to the Season 8 finale by the real-life Pile Gate with its view of the castle-like Red Keep home for crowning victors in The Game of Thrones.

Robin Hood, 2018 with Taron Egerton shooting arrows into the fabric of a legendary hero in a medieval England that looks like Croatia. Writers Ben Chandler and David James Kelly purposefully meld updated and traditional elements surrounding the famous thief who robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. After all, some 70 screen variations of the Robin Hood legend indicate flexibility in telling the tale, ranging from a female take in Arrow and Mel Brooks’s joking ode to Men in Tights.  Tight pants remain for the 2018 release, along with arrows, a sheriff, a friar, and robberly generosity. Sadly, shifting to the kind of fights found in the Marvel Universe feels rehashed rather than original, despite functional direction and staging by Otto Bathurst. A predictable, been-there-done-that feel hurts the project more than anything else since production values reflect a big budget. With even features and the well-coifed blond locks of a recent salon client, Egerton looks appropriately heroic, though cast members like Jamie Foxx and F. Murray Abraham outshine him when it comes to shouting their lines with dramatic fervor. Adding to big name costs, producers (including Leonardo di Caprio) spent a share of the budget on sets and locations, taking advantage of the medieval look of ruins and cities in Croatia. These include Završje on the north end of the country and in the historic old town section of Dubrovnik. The city features impressively in rooftop shots for (of course) a chase scene.   

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, 2022, with Nic Cage as actor Nick Cage in Croatia as Mallorca. Acting like a broke action movie star proves no stretch for Cage, who always seems to enjoy playing games on screen. The script, co-written by Keven Etten and director Tom Gormican, never intends biopic status, instead riffing on superstardom when a hyper fanboy with criminal connections pays a famous guy $1 million just to show up for a celebration. Not surprisingly, ulterior motives abound, resulting in chases and gunplay throughout gorgeous scenery suited to James Bond spy adventures. Everyone involved gets the joke, and filmmakers gain creds by saluting other movies and paying tribute to Paddington 2.  Set jetters can visit the movie’s ideal setting for Spanish-speaking actors in Mallorca (the writers originally wrote the piece for Columbia). However, Covid-19 forced a change in plans, so filming took place in Budapest and Croatia. Multiple sites combine to create a compound for Pedro Pascal’s character, with Croatia’s contribution including Dubrovnik’s Museum of Modern Art and Villa Sheherezade, a luxury place for set jetters to stay if they have a budget similar to the Talent movie or Game of Thrones stars.

SLOVENIA-PIRAN

 Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,1991 with Gary Oldman and Tim Roth exploring another side of Hamlet in Slovenia and Croatia. As director, writer Tom Stoppard puts his play on screen but hits snags with a staginess that feels too artificial and esoteric for a movie. Granted, Shakespeare plays sometimes transform into brilliant cinema and box office hits, plus the Bard maintains a strong fan base and millions know Stoppard’s title refers to a line of dialogue in Hamlet. But even when a respectable cast like Richard Dreyfus, Iain Glen, and Joanna Miles join the troupe, action meanders as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern take a road trip to Elsinore and along the way debate the meaning of life—unaware that they live in a story whose title indicates a short future for them. Set jetters can visit appropriate looks used in the film to show Hamlet’s era including Brežice Castle, Slovenia and Zagreb, Croatia.

The Union, 2024 with Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry chasing spies in Piren. Star charisma and locations highlight an otherwise familiar spy adventure (ever hear the one with a mole?). Writers Joe Barton and David Guggenheim put a twist in the cliché by imagining Halle Berry as a spy (no, that’s not the twist) who enlists a wimpier (that’s the twist) Wahlberg to help her despite his lack of espionage creds. The two stars act like long term friends, bantering in between stunts and chases, directed with occasional staging lags by Julian Farino. Plotwise, another twist comes with the joke that hot bodied, athletic Wahlberg frequently flubs up as spy, at one point inadvertently catapulting into a car trunk that traps him for part of a chase. Berry furthers her own seeming desire to stand out as an action star, more like Jinx in Die Another Day than Leticia in her Oscar winning Monster’s Ball performance. She looks perfectly capable of all her Union derring-do by demonstrating Cat Woman grace. Though cast members sometimes pause long enough to allow another character time to get a gunshot or explosion just right, the movie looks good with gorgeous old world towns and seaside settings. Set jetters find several basic locations: New Jersey, London, Italy, Croatia, and Slovenia. Those on an Aegean cruise pass by Croatia’s Pula Penninsula where some action occurs plus can visit Slovenia’s Piran where Wahlberg runs through city streets. The area’s Punta Lighthouse makes a pretty backdrop for a final shootout.